Growing Pains Part 2

***Disclaimer: I never anticipated to write about my sister in this series, but it was a growing experience, which God had me write to you here. It is the first time that I have gone into complete detail, and as I wrote it all I was shaking.***

After becoming a believer in Christ when I was sixteen, my life changed for the better. I became single, (for the first time in my life), because I knew now that God created dating to find a spouse... so I waited till I found "husband material." Right before I found my hubs (Jan 2006), I got restless and dated a few guys who did not meet my husband standards, therefore, I should have gone no where near them. Alas, God saw I had grown impatient, and instead of being irritated with my impatience, He graciously blessed me with Paul (4.6.06). Thank you, Lord! Your Grace never ceases to amaze me! ♥

Now that was something in particular that I had to die to myself over, and I'm sure there are more... I just didn't notice the changes He was making in my life... He was making them, I was not, so it is harder to pinpoint them. (For example, I started dressing more conservatively). He was growing me! When Paul came, I grew so much more! My faith continued to grow until October 2006.

On October 6, 2006, my 18 year old sister Tracie began her journey home from SFA University for the first time since she started that fall. I was very excited this weekend because two of my besties from high school were, (finally), coming down to stay with me, (I stayed home during college). I spent all morning cleaning my room and getting ready to have company! I had been seeing a Christian counselor at the time, (later post), and while I was in counseling I got a phone call from my Mom, two actually. It was very common for her to call during the day like that, (join me for shopping, question about ____, did you hear about so and so, etc). When I left counseling, I called her and she informed me that Tracie had been in a car accident, but she was conscience (sp?). She was a little panicky, and was back and forth about going to Nac to get her. I told her to stay where she was, (at my aunt and uncle's), and I would go with her to get Tracie. On my 15 minute drive to my aunt's house I called my boss and told him I would late to work that day, (I worked at an elementary school and we only worked 3.5 hours a day in the afternoon, and that day happened to be my last, so I wanted to at least go to say goodbye). I had to leave him a message, and in that message I started to cry as I said, "she could have a broken leg or be dead for all we know." As I said that, I knew I was being dramatic, and that couldn't be true. I also called Paul to fill him in on everything. When I got to my uncle's house, I saw him on the phone outside. He must have not heard/seen me because right as I got in ear shot of him I heard him say, "Linda, she didn't make it!"

UMMM, WHAT????

I walked up to him crying and he hugged me, unknowing what he had just told me. I opened the door and met my mom's embrace and began to wail...

Now let me back up a bit. I was always "strong" in my family. I was the oldest of 4 kids, so I had to be an example. I was strong for them, (and my mom), when my parents got divorced and my grandma died, etc.

So when I met my mom in the entry way, I completely lost it! I never thought I would cry like that. ever. Just like in the movies. Then we let go of each other, and it stopped. I never cried that hard again. For a while I was a little worried how my emotion at that minute affected my mom, but do you know what? To this day she does not remember that. She only remembers me taking it, "rather well." Thank you God, again!

For the next 30 minutes or so, I was still in shock and denial. I wasn't sure if I heard my uncle right or not. Did she die, or did I misunderstand. I called Paul, and he asked him to come to me, (he was in Lubbock finishing school). I felt bad asking him to come to me, (I don't know why because losing your sister is a very big deal). I called one of my friends that was going to stay with me, and I said, "Kristina, I think my sister died." She told me not to say that, thought I was just worrying too much, but I told her, "No, I really think she did, I heard my uncle say so." Finally my uncle asked if I knew what was going on. I told him that I had overheard, but I needed to hear from him to make sure because it isn't something you easily digest. So he told me, and to this day it is unreal to me.

The next couple days I neither slept nor ate. Until about the third day, God calmed my spirit. You see, I wasn't sure if Tracie was in Heaven. Contrary to popular belief, being a good person will not get you into Heaven. You must give your life to Christ to enter into Heaven. Period. I wasn't sure if she had done that. So three days later, God revealed to me that she had in fact given her life to Him, and she was with Him in Heaven. God does not lie, so I knew she was in Heaven. After that I was able to eat, sleep, and function much better.

Something beautiful I experienced through all this was on the Sunday after her accident, (she died on Friday). I went to Church as usual, and got loved on by my Brothers and Sisters there. During the service, and during the second song in worship, I started to cry. Not because of her death, but because I was WORSHIPING GOD! I was able to worship God in spite of losing my sister! It was a wonderful gift that God gave me that day. Once I knew Tracie was in Heaven, that and my moment of worship helped my get through the loss to this day! I will leave you with the chorus of that song, which will forever have a special place in my heart. Stay tuned for my 3rd installment of Growing Pains!

"He is Lord of Lords! He is King of Kings! He is Mighty God, Lord of Everything! He is Emmanuel! He is the Great I Am! He is the Prince of Peace, who is the Lamb! He is the Living God! He is my Saving Grace! He will reign forever, He is the Ancient of Days! He is Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End! He's my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer, and Friend! He's my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for Him!!!"

No wonder why that song was played, huh? ;)