Growing Pains Part 4

My Daddy. Oh, what a story. Poor guy, I hated him for a good part of 8 years, (age 12 to 20). Now when I say hated, I am not over exaggerating- I hated him with every ounce of my being. I won't go into detail here of why he didn't meet my standards of what I thought a dad should be. He had his faults, (who doesn't), but mostly I was to blame.

After I got saved when I was 16, I knew I needed to forgive my dad. If Jesus could forgive me, (not just once, but daily), why couldn't I forgive him? My hatred continued, but so did my desire to forgive. When I graduated high school, he took me to D.C. for my gift. Dream trip! Anyway, while driving back from the Pentagon, we were listening to the radio. "Live like you were dying," came on. "I gave forgiveness I'd been denying." Um, Yeah. Thank You Holy Spirit for that prompting. Even still, forgiveness was very difficult. The slightest mess up, (well a mess up in my eyes), and he returned to hated status. I received so much grace from God, and yet I could not bestow it on him.

Finally when I was 20, (September 2006), I started seeing a Christian counselor because I had many health problems... and the root cause... my dad. So I went to counseling to try to resolve the daddy conflict. I won't go into detail about what really got me to begin truly forgiving him, (that's between him and me), but I will tell you that it was working. Well, until October. After my sister died, I let go of all the good progress I made, and I was spitting angry at my dad. I gave him an ultimatum, (in my head), and if he didn't meet it then I would banish him from my life. Well, by the Grace of God, I was in counseling, so the banishment never happened. She wouldn't allow it! ;) 6 months later, I got married, and my dad started to become my dad to me, not just a man that I had to tolerate. After April, I continued to soften towards my dad, and then that next February, God broke me down, and I called my dad and apologized! Yes, me apologize to him. I always told myself that I would never forgive him until he apologized to me, but I was the one who needed his forgiveness.

You see, something I learned in counseling, (and I have eluded to it here already), was that I had a picture of what I thought a dad was supposed to be. When he didn't fit that mold, I held it against him. He is not perfect, nor am I nor is anyone else for that matter! Only Jesus Christ was perfect, so why would I think my dad could fit that mold?

Second only to my salvation, my relationship with my dad is the biggest picture of grace in my life. I have a love for my dad that I never thought possible. It is truly amazing to me to look back in my life and see where God has brought me. He forgave me, and allowed me to forgive otehrs. Mind you, I was terribly disobedient to God for a good 4 years or so by denying my dad forgiveness- see what a gracious God we have!

Dad,
Once again I apologize for hating you so. I want you to know that I am blessed to be your daughter. I wish I could put into words how I feel about you, but I can't! All I can say is that I used to say I had no dad... you were just the man who fathered me. But now, I can say, with pride, that you are my daddy! I love you!
Tricia

You can see I wasn't thrilled he was kissing me. I had gotten over hating him, but he wasn't out of the woods yet. This kiss irritated me... yes, I was a brat.

I LOVE this picture!!! One of my favorites from the day! When I first got my pictures in, I hated loving this picture so much! But now that Grace has covered us, I love it!!! :)



Growing Pains part 5... why adoption? :)